Fifty Shades Of Scarlett
by GirlWednesday
Summary: "Everyone was so nice, it was almost sickening. The police cleared me of all blame and so had my colleagues, for weeks I had nothing but reassuring looks and the; you mustn't blame yourself talk."


It had been fifty years since Lloyd had left Holby .It would seem strange to many why he would feel the urge to return after all this time, however to him it made perfect sense.

The car came to a steady halt and he caught sight of himself in the rear view mirror.

His eyes almost told a story of their own. They may have lost the brightness of youth that they once had, however if a person was to look closely, they would still see the flame of determination that had never burned out.

He didn't care if his hair was grey or if his body was weak. In his heart and in his mind he would always been the young nurse with flare and attitude. To him he was still the man who had a say on every topic and fought for what was right.

The young voice of his granddaughter pulled him out of his thoughts.

"Granddad? We're here."

He turned to face her and offered her a small smile. He was so proud of her, she was his only granddaughter and she had recently qualified as a nurse.

He reached over and took hold of her hand.

"My beautiful girl, you have grown up so much."

She interlaced her fingers in his and returned the smile.

"Are sure you want to do this?"

"For her, I would do anything."

She gave him a nod and got out of her side of the car before opening the passenger door for him. Unsteadily he gripped his walking stick and pulled himself up. He interlinked his arm into hers and they slowly headed down the pavement.

"You know today is fifty years since that day."

Her grandfather had always told her stories of his nursing career however he had always been vague about his life in Holby city. Yet now he had seemed eager to come back. Something was eating away at him and he needed to make peace with it.

"What happened Gramps? You've been so sad these past couple of weeks."

A sad almost distant look appeared in his eyes. He patted her arm and continued hobbling along the pavement.

"It's been five years since your grandmother died and if she was still with us now, believe me I wouldn't be here."

"Grandma wouldn't hold this against you, I know she wouldn't."

"I never told her you know? I met her five years after leaving Holby and I could never talk about it."

"And now?"

He took a deep breath and slowly nodded.

"It's time."

He came to a stop outside a pair of large gates that lead the way into a church yard. Once more he turned to face her and looked into her brown eyes that were so similar to his own.

"Did you know, when you were born, your father asked me to name you?"

"Did he?"

"He did. I remember as I held you in my arms, I turned to him and said she is so beautiful, there is only one name that she should have."

A fond look came across her face.

"Scarlett?"

"Yes, you're my beautiful Scarlett."

"I take it you had someone special in your life?"

He brought his eyes and stared through the gates. He had been told many times by his mother when he was a child that true love never died and now as he stood here fifty years later, he had never appreciated those words more.

"Yes, had."

"Would you like to go in?"

"Will you come with me?"

She leant over and placed an affectionate kiss on his cheek, gripping hold of his hand as she did so.

"Of course I will."

Slowly he made his way up the steps. Each step he took proved a struggle for his weak knees, a physical struggle now and an emotional one fifty years ago.

He could still remember the last time he was here. He had been dressed up wearing a black suit and a lost look. Fletch stood beside him the whole time, offering him kind words and a shoulder to cry on.

It had rained relentlessly throughout the day. Everybody else had come with umbrellas and rain coats. Not Lloyd though, he had allowed himself to soak through and had relished the pain that the cold brought.

The walk to the graveside was still fresh in his mind. He knew it like the back of his hand, almost as if it was one he took on a daily basis.

Finally he arrived at the place that he had so desperately wanted to visit. He ran has hand over the cold marble surface and traced the lettering with his finger.

"I'm so sorry, I left it too long"

Scarlett peered over her grandfather's shoulder, reading the writing on the weather worn tombstone.

_~Scarlett Conway~_

_~1988-2014~_

_~Forever in our hearts~_

"Who was she Gramps?"

He kept his eyes on the grave, unwilling to let her see the tears that had started to fall."

"She was the most beautiful woman I'd ever met, the most kind hearted and the most tragic. She lost her way and I couldn't help her."

"Was that what happened fifty years ago?"

He kissed his hand and placed it on top of the head stone.

"If someone had told me all those years ago, that a day would come where she would've been gone fifty years, I would've never have believed them. I would've told them that that was ridiculous, I would have told them that we had all the time in the world."

She placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

He closed his eyes and brought the memory to the forefront once more.

"Scarlett was never an aggressive or a malicious person. She was a great nurse and always had time for everyone."

"I'm sure she was."

He furiously shook his head.

"I don't know what happened to her, she just lost sight of who she was."

"Just take your time Gramps, tell me what happened."

"We attended a vigil but it soon got out of hand and turned into a full scale riot. I lost sight of her in the crowds but I thought she'd be alright. I was going to go back and find her."

"Was that the last you saw of her?"

His voice seemed almost empty when he spoke.

"Sometimes I wish that that was the way it ended. Sometimes I think that if it had ended there, I could've gone the rest of my life with this perfect image of her."

"What did it then? What wrecked that perfect image?"

"I was at the hospital helping people like every nurse would, whilst she was out on the streets looting shops, destroying things and attacking innocent people."

She desperately tried to mask her horror.

"Oh Gramps."

"She knew what she had done was wrong, so she handed herself into the police and they took her away."

"So how did she...?"

He turned to face her, a pained look spreading across his features.

"She was released after two years and she came back to find me."

Her eyes widened in surprise.

"Did you two...?"

"We argued when we saw each other, I had tried to move on but I couldn't and her turning up only made that worse."

"But what happened to her?"

He took a deep breath and found the strength to continue.

"I walked away. I went out to the car park and got into my car."

"So that was the last time you saw her?"

"Oh how I wish that was so."

She sent him a nod, urging him to continue.

"And I drove off but she came after me and I didn't see her until she was in front of me and I tried to stop, believe me I hit the break so hard it hurt, but I just couldn't stop. I just couldn't stop!"

There was a painfully long silence as Scarlett tried to work out what to say, in the end she opted to pull him into a tight embrace.

"Oh Gramps, I'm so sorry."

He lightly patted her back.

"She was just lying there. She was so still it was as if she was sleeping."

"You don't have to do this to yourself."

He couldn't stop himself, he had been holding this in for the past fifty years and he couldn't keep it any longer.

"There wasn't a mark on her and there was no blood, she was just there with her eyes closed. It was hard to believe that she had been hit by a car."

She furiously blinked in a desperate attempt to stop the tears from falling. She was going to be strong for her grandfather.

"And was that where it ended?"

"No they scooped her up and rushed her inside, it seems cruel that despite being hit right outside an emergency department she still couldn't be saved."

"Sometimes the injuries are just too severe."

He proceeded onwards, the tears spilling over and the emotion becoming evermore prominent.

"I just watched as they worked on her, but everything they did just seemed to hurt her more. They couldn't save her but they kept pulling her about anyway."

"I'm so sorry you had to go through that."

He ran his fingers through her hair, inhaling her scent.

"I didn't leave her for hours after, even when they told me she was gone. I stayed up all night with her and held her hand until the only thing keeping it warm was mine."

"What happened after?"

"Everyone was so nice, it was almost sickening. The police cleared me of all blame and so had my colleagues, for weeks I had nothing but reassuring looks and the; you mustn't blame yourself talk."

She pulled away and took him both hands.

"It wasn't your fault, she stepped out and there was nothing you could've done."

"That's what they all said."

"Because it's true."

He shook his head.

"If I'd have swallowed my pride and admitted I loved her. If I'd just listened to her, I wouldn't have got behind the wheel and she wouldn't have run out."

She brought her hand up and lightly stroked his cheek.

"How about you tell her now then? Let her know how you feel."

"Do you think she'll be listening?"

She offered him a weak smile.

"I like to think she would be."

He slowly diverted his gaze to the headstone and prepared himself for what he was about to say.

"I've not got long left Scarlett. We will be together again soon. When I see you again, which I know I will ,I'll tell you everything I should've said that night. So just hold on a little longer yeah? I'll be there soon."

He took a small step away from the headstone and offered his hand to his granddaughter.

"I'm ready to go home now."

She nodded, accepting his hand and leading him away.

"I reckon she knew all along."

He allowed her to help him walk away and in that moment it was if a weight had been lifted. He had come there to make peace with her and somehow he had a feeling that she would forgive him. In a way she had never really left him. He saw her every night in his dreams and she would always be the love of his life.


End file.
